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How to Use Eye Contact to
Your Advantage ...
and When to Avoid It
by www.SixWise.com
One of the obvious markers of a confident person is the ability
to use eye contact when it's most useful. In fact, studies
have found that body
language, including eye contact, makes up 55 percent of
the force of any given response, which means that maintaining
proper eye contact may, in fact, be more important than what
you are saying!
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When making eye contact, a good rule of thumb is to
look away briefly (up or to the side) every five seconds.
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Eye contact, specifically, is often said to be the most powerful
route by which humans establish a communicative link. One
study in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences
even found that from birth, human infants prefer to look at
faces that engage them in a mutual gaze.
As adults, however, many of us feel uncomfortable with this
completely natural mode of communication, which is unfortunate
considering what eye contact can do for you:
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Convey that you're open and honest (generally, if someone
is lying they will not look you in the eye, at least
during a certain part of the conversation).
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Let someone know that you're
physically attracted to them.
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Improve
your charisma
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Help you soothe someone who's in distress. Research by
Mardi Kidwell, PhD, a communications professor at the
University of New Hampshire, found that law-enforcement
officials often use eye contact to successfully soothe
distressed or hysterical suspects or emergency workers.
"When a person is sobbing or yelling, she may not
interact rationally," says Kidwell. But making eye
contact "is the first step to listening and obeying
-- whether they know it consciously or not," she
says.
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Display your confidence, attentiveness and concern.
How to Use Eye Contact Most Effectively
There is a fine line between making positive eye contact
and staring at someone to the point that they feel uncomfortable.
How do you get to the happy medium?
Generally speaking, you should break eye contact every 5
seconds by looking up or to the side (not down). You can also
use the "triangle method," which involves looking
at one eye for about 5 seconds, then the other eye for 5 seconds,
and then at the mouth.
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From the time they are born, babies prefer to look
at faces that are making eye contact.
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If you're speaking to a group, be careful to spread your
eye contact around the room. An easy way to do this is to
look at someone different every time you start a new sentence.
When NOT to Use Eye Contact
There are several instances when making and maintaining eye
contact can backfire. These include:
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With an aggressive person. If you are faced with someone
who is angry and threatening, making eye contact will
be taken as a challenge, and could provoke a fight. In
less threatening arguments, however, maintaining eye contact
signals that you are not backing down.
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In a different country. In certain regions of the world,
making eye contact may be seen as aggressive or disrespectful,
so make sure you find out the proper etiquette for any
country you visit.
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With a wild or strange animal. If a dog, bear or moose
approaches you that you think might
attack, do not make eye contact, as this will be seen
as a challenge. The exception is with mountain lions,
as making eye contact can help convince the mountain lion
that you are not prey and that you may be a danger to
it.
Recommended Reading
How
Hugs are Proven to Help Your Health: Have You Been Hugged
Today?
Sticks
and Stones May Break My Bones ... But Words Can Be Even More
Painful
Sources
Proceedings
of the National Academy of Sciences July 9, 2002
Prevention.com
August 1, 2007
Change
Your Thoughts
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