Why High School Memories Often "Loom So Large" In Our Minds
by Rachel G. Baldino, MSW, LCSW for www.SixWise.com
In the June 11, 2006 issue of Parade Magazine, a curious
reader of Marilyn vos Savant's "Ask Marilyn" column
asks the following thought-provoking question: "Why do
our high school experiences occupy such a prominent place
in our memories?"
Marilyn's response is accurate and clever, but it is also
a bit too brief (at least in my opinion). She writes: "During
high school, we develop the most vigorous adult bodies we
will ever have. At the same time, we possess the least amount
of sense we will ever have. This combination produces many
memorable moments!"
The main intention of this article is to explore Marilyn
vos Savant's interesting-but-too-brief response to her reader
at a more in-depth level.
For starters, she is absolutely right about teenagers being
at their peak in terms of physical health and strength, while
at the same time not possessing a whole lot of common sense.
High School Marks a Time of Many "Firsts"
However, I would like to add to her concise reply that high
school is also a time for many "firsts"-first kiss,
first love, first car, first everything-and most of us tend
to remember (with astonishing clarity and vividness) the first
time that we reached just about any important milestone in
our lives. This is yet another reason that thoughts of high
school can sometimes preoccupy us long after our high school
days have ended.
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The High School years, which are filled with 'firsts,'
can be both wonderful and emotionally tumultuous, which
is part of what makes them so distinctively memorable.
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Furthermore, for a long time, the conventional wisdom held
that most teenagers' overall lack of common sense-along with
their rather haphazard judgment and decision-making skills-could
be almost exclusively chalked up to their "raging hormones."
And indeed, as any current teenager, current parent of a
teenager-or anyone who has ever been a teenager- can tell
you, adolescents have what Ronald Dahl, MD, refers to in his
informative article, "Beyond Raging Hormones: The Tinderbox
in the Teenage Brain" a "natural proclivity toward
high intensity feelings."
In other words, nearly all teenagers have the innate capacity
to act like "drama queens" or "drama kings"
on any given day.
Relatively Recent Findings about The Brain Development
of Teenagers
And yet, while raging pubescent hormones certainly do play
a role in the emotional ups and downs that all teenagers experience,
we now also have scientific proof (in the form of an extensive
MRI brain scan study conducted by UCLA researchers, among
other studies), that teenagers' brains do not reach full development
until early adulthood.
And notably, it is the prefrontal cortex, located right behind
the forehead-also known as the part of the brain that governs
the "executive functions," such as logic, reasoning,
decision-making, and the exercise of sound judgment-which
develops last.
Moreover, when teenagers are around their peers, even the
most thoughtful and intelligent among them can succumb to
excitement, peer pressure, self-consciousness, and the nearly
universal teenage desire to "fit in," which can
in turn cause many of them to make some memorably-and alas,
sometimes even tragically-bad decisions along the often
rocky, and for some people, downright treacherous, road to
adulthood.
What do I mean by "tragically bad" decisions?
Well, for one thing, it may be these relatively recent discoveries
about adolescent brain development-along with what we've long
known about raging hormones and the role of peer pressure-that
explain why more teenagers are involved in car accidents
every year, and why more of them are actually killed in car
accidents, than any other age group, a sad fact which
has caused some understandably anxious parents and lawmakers
in states like mine (Massachusetts) to lobby for an
increase in the driving age from the current age of 16 ½
to 17 ½.
Why Certain Memories of High School are Particularly Vivid
and Palpable
So, it would appear that these scientific brain studies-as
well as the often questionable nature of teen driving and
other teen behaviors-confirm what Marilyn vos Savant writes
in her column; namely, that as teenagers, we "possess
the least amount of sense we will ever have," which often
leads to what she calls "memorable moments."
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For several reasons, many of our experiences during
adolescence tend to feel heightened and significantly
more intense than our other life experiences.
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But why exactly do these particular memories-our high school
memories-have such a powerful hold on us? Why do they so often
seem as vivid (and in the case of negative memories, just
as cringe-inducing) today as they did years ago?
Well, for starters, many, if not most, adolescents are deeply
self-conscious, and also very hard on themselves about the
ways that they imagine they come across to others, and about
all of the dramatic changes that are occurring in their skin,
bodies, voices, and so forth.
In addition, many of the experiences that they have feel
extremely heightened and exaggerated, particularly at the
sensory level. (The sensory level here refers to the way we
absorb and process certain important and/or difficult experiences
with all five of our senses, and also to how we incorporate
those complicated sensory experiences into our lives.)
And of course, when ultra-heightened sensory experiences
are revisited in hindsight, they tend to become ultra-vivid
memories, often resonating in our hearts and minds for a very
long time after high school graduation day.
A Classic Example of A Vivid High School Memory
For an example of what I am talking about, if a teenage boy-let's
call him Jack-finally works up the courage to ask out the
girl of his dreams after months of thinking about it, and
if she then rather unceremoniously turns him down flat,
chances are that every detail about that painful moment will
be burned into his memory forever.
And Jack's sensory perceptions of that fateful event will
play an important role in keeping this painful memory alive
in his mind.
For years to come, he will recall exactly what the girl who
rejected him looked like, every nuance in her facial expression
as she turned him down. And if there happened to be music
on in the background, he will probably remember exactly which
song was playing. He may even recall (with upsetting precision)
the scent of her perfume.
And, chances are, Jack will still physically cringe every
single time he recalls that painful moment from his youth.
However, if something similar were to happen to him now,
as an adult, he might be upset about it for a while, but not
in quite the same way. He would likely not feel so deeply
mortified that he would want to crawl into a hole and die
(as his teenage self may have wanted to do under the same
circumstances).
After all, upon reaching adulthood, he would have gained
the sense of perspective that comes with maturity, which means
that while he would certainly not enjoy getting rejected by
an attractive woman, having such an experience as an adult
would also not strike him it as an emotionally scarring crisis
of epic proportions.
By the way, for an excellent radio program about all things
"cringe-worthy" or "cringe-inducing" when
it comes to being young and struggling mightily to find one's
way, you may want to listen online to a full hour devoted
to the topic on NPR's "This
American Life," hosted by Ira Glass.
And for a beautifully written, wonderfully evocative literary
example of just how powerful a role our senses can play in
our memories, take a look at the famous opening passage from
Marcel Proust's classic work of literature, Swann's
Way, in which the book's narrator dips his favorite French
pastry, called a "madelaine," into a cup of tea,
and the experience instantly catapults him back into some
extraordinarily vivid (and in his case rather painful) memories
of his childhood.
To close on a much happier note, our positive memories of
youth can be just as vivid, just as palpable, and just as
powerful in our hearts and minds as our negative, cringe-inducing
ones.
So, whenever you find yourself strolling down memory lane,
don't forget to think about that time you scored that winning
goal, or that time you and your friends were sitting around
laughing so hard that you thought your sides might split.
Memory is a powerful force, after all, and while we can't
always control which memories pop into our minds and when,
we can make a deliberate effort to zero in on as many of our
happier youthful memories as we can recall.
Recommended Reading
Gossip:
It Can Devastate, But Here's How it Can Also Be Beneficial
How
Your Body Language Conveys Confidence, Intelligence and Trust,
Or A Lack Thereof
Sticks
and Stones May Break My Bones, But Words Can Be Even More
Painful
If
You Seek Emotional Health, There is No Greater Nourishment
than Forgiveness
Sources
This
American Life
Parade
Magazine
Beyond
Raging Hormones: The Tinderbox in the Teenage Brain
Teen
Brain Study
Teen
Driving Age
Swann's
Way
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 About
the Author
SixWise.com contributing editor Rachel G. Baldino, MSW, LCSW,
is the author of the e-book, Loving
Simply: Eliminating Drama from Your Intimate Relationships, published
in 2006 by Fictionwise.com, and the print book, Welcome to Methadonia:
A Social Worker's Candid Account of Life in a Methadone Clinic, published
in 2000 by White Hat Communications.
Her articles have appeared in Social Work Today, The New Social Worker,
New Living Magazine, Conflict911.com and other publications. After earning
her MSW from the Boston College Graduate School of Social Work in1997,
she provided counseling services, first at a methadone clinic, and later
at an outpatient mental health treatment facility.
Ms. Baldino has been quoted about managing anger in relationships in
Kathy Svitil's 2006 book, Calming The Anger Storm, which is part of the
Psychology Today Here To Help series. She has also been quoted in such
magazines, newspapers and online publications as For Me Magazine, Conceive
Magazine, The San Francisco Bay Guardian, The Albany Times Union, The
Tallahassee Democrat, Bay State Parent Magazine, TheBridalBook.com, Babyzone.com,
Momstoday.com, The Newhouse News Service, and Indianapolis Woman. She
lives with her husband and children in Massachusetts.
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