Is Jennifer Aniston Secretly Pregnant with Tom Cruise's Baby?
A Vaszily Exclusive!
by Brian W. Vaszily for www.SixWise.com

Before I reveal the exclusive answer to the big Aniston/Cruise question, here is some related and even more important news for you:

1. There is a Very Good Chance YOU are Sick with CWS

According to a team of researchers led by James Houran, a psychologist with Southern Illinois University School of Medicine, one-third of all Americans and British now have CWS.

If you found this edition of my weekly column irresistible due to the Anniston / Cruise headline, chances are high that you are among that one-third.

CWS, or Celebrity Worship Syndrome, is described as "an unhealthy interest in the lives of the rich and famous." Yes, yet another new syndrome (I call for a Syndrome-Defining Syndrome (SDS) and propose we commit all psychologists in the name of it.) But in our culture, Celebrity Worship Syndrome is quite the legitimate syndrome … and from what I've experienced as a marketer, way more than just a third of everyone is sick with it.

CWS is broken down into three levels of dysfunction:

Level 1: Entertainment Social: You are just moderately infatuated with stardom in general and certain celebrities in particular; the celebrity programs on TV and celebrity sections in newspapers and magazines always catch your eye, and you perk up a little more whenever there are mentions of your favorite celebrities.

Level 2: Intense Personal: Your infatuation has grown stronger for various celebrities, or for a specific celebrity. You sometimes daydream about him or her. For example, you sometimes believe that Brad Pitt would love you more than Angelina Jolie, more than Jennifer Aniston, more than the Pringle's potato chips he once endorsed.

Level 3: Borderline Pathological: You're pretty much a step away from being a stalker (but of course like all those with pathologies you don't see it that way.) You scour magazines and television shows for the latest news about your targeted celebrity or celebrities, and you may even have created scrapbooks dedicated to them or your walls might be covered in images and articles about them.

Before proceeding even closer to my exclusive answer to the big stunning Aniston/Cruise question, please take a moment to reflect on the above three levels. Have your ego remove itself from the room if necessary, tell your brain to sit down on the couch, take a seat next to it, and ask:

"Do I have CWS, and which level above am I honestly at?"

Next ask your brain: "Why? Why do I honestly care even one little bit about celebrities?"

Take a few moments or months to ponder those questions - and why the drug companies don't have a pill to treat CWS yet (they will) - and then continue to Paula Abdul below.

2. You Should Not Give a %#&$ What Cola Paula Abdul Drinks

You're probably thinking, "I DON'T give a %#&$ what cola Paula Abdul drinks."

But you do give a %#&$.

Know this: corporate marketing departments spend billions of dollars yearly on celebrity endorsements. FYI, corporations generally don't spend that kind of money on marketing that doesn't work. The reason they spend these billions - and the reason the amount they spend continues to climb -- is two-fold:

A) The celebrity endorsements really do work. We're mired deep in a celebrity culture where, to paraphrase historian Daniel Boorstin, people are now famous just for being famous. When people are that irrational about famous people, it is quite easy to prey on their irrationality.

B) You, like most consumers, probably don't believe you are personally influenced all that much by celebrity endorsements. And so the endorsements work even better. In accordance with the First Real Rule of Marketing, people's egos prevent them from recognizing - and even wanting to recognize -- just how extensively marketing cons them into doing things they never intended to do and valuing things without really knowing why they value them.

When you think about it, you know it is ridiculous to be influenced by Paula Abdul drinking a Coke on the set of American Idol… or anything any celebrity says or does (unless it relates directly to what they are really experts at, if anything.) When you think about it you really don't care.

But you are typically not thinking about it. Especially when you are watching TV or flipping through a magazine, you are passively receiving it. And that's where celebrities - like all of the other inventions created to market you to debt and death - work their black magic on you: at the passive emotional level.

To put it another way, you are being tricked when your defenses are down and you're not really thinking about it. When you finally do think about it, you refuse to believe you could be tricked. And so the trickery is even more effective.

Yes, maybe whatever preferences Paula Abdul in particular is paid to say and show don't influence you much. But the point is that it's highly likely other celebrities out there - those who personally stir your emotions whether from TV, film, sports, music, politics, modeling, or crocheting - can and do.

3. Acting, Singing and Carrying Your Pet Around are NOT Equivalent to Saving Lives … but Who Cares

There are many firemen and other people who sacrificed their lives to save the lives of other people in the Twin Towers on 9/11.

Paris Hilton carries some little animal around with her and likes to party.

You have heard this about Paris. You know her name, her face, her body, and you likely have heard your fair share of stories about her.

You probably can't even name one hero from those Twin Towers on 9/11.

What's wrong with this picture?

4. If You are a Celebrity, Please Endorse this Column (Skip this Section if You are NOT a Celebrity)

If you are Jennifer Aniston or Tom Cruise, or even just Ed McMahon, please endorse this column.

Jennifer, Tom, and Ed, let's be frank: you and I know that, just as Michael Jordan is no expert on batteries though he got millions to endorse them, you are no expert on immortal literature such as this column.

But I'd still MUCH rather have you paste it into an email, write a brief note on top of it that says, "This column is very good," and send it on to 20 million people versus having any literary critic do the same.

Jennifer, Tom, and Ed, you and I know why: millions of people - among them many who otherwise insist they're not influenced by celebrity endorsements all that much -- will then read this column just because you are famous and you said it's good. And millions will parrot you and say, "Wow, this column really is very good!" Not because it is very good, nor because they even understood its message, but because you are famous and you said so.

Just like Oprah with her book club.

Yes, Jennifer, Tom, and Ed, I know I probably should be bothered that they won't truly appreciate my column on its own merits. But I won't be bothered. That's because I will then be famous, too - after all, I wrote the column you endorsed.

And that means I will then be able to endorse things … things I am qualified to, like other people's columns, but also things I am not qualified to, like motor oil and life insurance and Brian Vaszily Grills. And people will listen.

So Jennifer, Tom and Ed, thanks in advance.

5. Pretend I Am Very Famous and Take My Word On This ...

Pretend for a moment that my passion is not to help people live longer, healthier and happier lives by exposing the savage unethical marketing practices that now dominate our society and have become our most deadly plague by far.

Instead, pretend that I act in Hollywood movies or that I'm a pitcher on a major league baseball team or that my dad is a Motown legend so you'll pay attention to me when I tell you this:

I strongly endorse that you constantly stay aware and in control of your emotions whenever you subject yourself to any form of media - that includes commercials and ads, of course, but it especially includes TV shows and Hollywood movies because they're all just marketing.

Stay aware and in control the same way you would on a first date, or while walking near the edge of a cliff.

Perhaps there was a time in the past when you could afford to let your guard down while watching TV or a Hollywood film, but those times are long gone. No matter how much it may seem that way, remember the TV shows, commercials and movies -- and all the celebrities in them - are NOT your trusted family and friends. They are there, doing what they are doing, to make money - and they'd very much like lots of yours.

There are still times and places to let your emotional guard down in our world - in conversation with your real friends and family, for example -- but in front of the screen is definitely not the place. Unless you want to continue to be mugged by Paula Abdul and all the rest.

You don't have to even stop enjoying the good media out there - just ensure that, like alcohol or sex, you enjoy it responsibly.

Which all leads to the question that lured many of you to and through this column:

"Is Jennifer Aniston Secretly Pregnant with Tom Cruise's Baby?"

My exclusive answer?

"Of course not. But why do you really even give a %#&$?"

Previous Brian Vaszily Columns Recommended by 3 out of 4 Dead Rock Stars: If You Do Not Read this Column, Something VERY Bad Will Happen Check Out All the Violence Here! ... How I Jolt You into Submission to Get Your Money Why We're Living (FAR) Shorter Lives Than Ever, and What You Can Do About It The One REAL Reason You Are Stressed Out, Sick, Depressed or Angry